Let me preface this blog entry by saying that I am trying to look at toxic behaviors that are a potential in relationships. Not all alpha males are cheaters, and not all alpha-types are male. There are lots of alpha-males with solid relationships, and there are many female executives that cheat. That being said, let’s take a closer look at their potential toxic behaviors. If you have an alpha in your life, just be forewarned.
We have all seen the headlines. The athlete, the political figure, the actor, the high-profile CEO, the religious leader, who has been caught in a cheating scandal. These stories are a dime a dozen, and have left women feeling discarded and demoralized.
The man who has a higher-than-average drive for success seems irresistible to some women. The attentions of these men make them feel “special” and “powerful” in their own right. Even if a man is much older or not very attractive, some women are still attracted to him because of his power or his financial status. The constant supply of younger and more beautiful women makes it unlikely that he will ever settle into a monogamous relationship. Power and money seem to be an aphrodisiac, and he knows it.
He is successful because he is a risk-taker. This is the same trait that eventually becomes his downfall in relationships.
He surrounds himself with “yes” people, always feeding his ego. These people will look the other way and cover for his indiscretions. They help to enable his cheating behaviors. He assumes that he has a lower risk of getting caught, because no one would ever dare to betray him, or they would be forced out of the “inner-circle”. These men cheat because they can. Their accomplices are their subordinates.
Once he has experienced this level of power he may be tempted to see anything or anyone in his path as being his “for the taking”. It is just another part of the game, and he is always in it for the win.
He has the means and the opportunity to cheat whenever he wants to. His “long hours at the office” are often not spent at the office. Women throw themselves at him shamelessly, and it is easy for him to find willing sex partners.
He is frequently seen taking meetings in hotels and eating in fancy restaurants, making the temptation of a fling all that much easier to execute, and potentially go unnoticed. There is an endless stream of cocktails, excitement and high energy.
He has numbers of secretaries, assistants, nannies, and nurses on which to prey. Marrying one of them would enable him to receive their services “free of charge”, and that has a secret allure all its own.
His ego is in need of constant stroking in the form of cheerleaders. He needs someone to always tell him that he is right, or attractive, or the best, even when he is not. He craves someone who will support him even when he is wrong. His need for constant validation is insatiable.
Many women describe a powerful man as “the most charming man they have ever met”. Statistics show that one in every ten women would like to have an affair with a powerful man. His charisma and presence is apparent as he walks into any room. He is captivating, well-mannered, and in most cases, well-educated. He is well-traveled and used to the finer things in life. He is skilled at gift-giving.
Because they have gained their successes by being ruthless and by taking high risks, these men often have a stronger than average sex drive. It is interesting to note, however, that these men often want sexual partners that will take charge in the bedroom, to give them a break from always having to be the performer. These are the guys that get involved in BDSM relationships, seeking to be the submissive partner who “secretly” owns all of the power.
They have lived a life of entitlement, which leads them to believe that they do not have to abide by “normal rules”. They feel “invincible” and devoid of consequences to their behavior.
He lives in a world where everyone else is “not as smart” as he is. This grandiose thinking often makes sport of having the upper hand in a relationship.
The thrill of the chase in his business dealings is an exciting rush of adrenaline, which he will often maintain by seeking affairs. He may need to have multiple sexual partners to stoke his ego. These experiences need to be new or intense to keep his interest. He does not merely want something, he MUST have it, and will stop at nothing to be the victor. Breaking rules is how he rolls in all aspects of his life.
In most relationships, the partner with the lower sex drive is in control of the sexual relationship. Not so in this case. He will control where, how, and how often that sex happens.
His levels of testosterone are often higher than the average male, which can lead to aggressive or dangerous behaviors.
Who is he attracted to? Not his counterpart, the alpha-female. That would be too distasteful to him. In marriage, he much more prefers a quiet, well-dressed, well-mannered woman who will “make him look better” and more socially acceptable. Unfortunately, this is exactly the same woman who will eventually bore him.
He also does not seek out a woman who is overly-impressed by him, because he is used to everyone being overly impressed by him. He enjoys the thrill of the chase of someone who seems “unattainable”.
When the powerful man ultimately gets caught, it is a scandal. His high-profile insures that he will make headlines. He will face public humiliation and so will you. You will either be portrayed as the sad, grieving, unsuspecting spouse, or the evil mistress-both roles being leading ladies that you might not want to portray.
Ultimately, the lure of the powerful man may lead to powerful heartache and loss of self-esteem. Think long and hard before entering into this form of abuse.
Continue to follow my blog for a peek at the “Mama’s Boy” or “Daddy’s Girl”. Does it seem like these personality types are not potentially toxic? Think again!